Treat Your Parents Well
The means Allah the Almighty has chosen for us to come into this world are our
parents. Each of us is born to a father and a mother. After birth, the first
people we see, and whose warmth of love we experience, are our parents. In this
world, after Allah, the Lord of all worlds, and the Messenger (peace be upon
him), the people who love us with the most genuine and selfless love are our
parents. They are the ones who nurture and raise us.
Every
creature is born with its own “nature.” For example, a dog is born as a dog, a
cat is born as a cat. However, humans are the only creatures who, though born
in human form, must develop human qualities to truly become “human” in the
moral sense. In this “process of becoming human,” the ones who accompany us for
life are our parents.
Just as
parents have certain obligatory duties toward us, we too have obligatory duties
toward them. However, under the influence of Western culture today, the
equation of the relationship between us and our parents has changed. Modern-day
parents, just like many children, are often heedless—parents about their
responsibilities toward their children, and children about proper manners and
respect toward their parents.
Let us
learn from the Qur’an and Hadith how we should behave toward our parents:
In the
Holy Qur’an, Surah Al-Isra, verses 23–24, Allah the Lord of the Worlds says:
“Your Lord
has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you treat your parents with
kindness. If one or both of them reach old age while with you, never say to
them even ‘Uff’ (a word of irritation), nor scold them. And speak to them with
noble words. Lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, ‘My Lord,
have mercy on them as they raised me when I was small.’”
Also, in
the Holy Qur’an, Surah Luqman, verse 14, Allah says:
“We have
enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him in hardship
upon hardship, and his weaning takes place in two years. Be grateful to Me and
to your parents; to Me is the [final] return.”
Once, a
man asked the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), “Who is most deserving of
my good companionship?” He replied, “Your mother.” The man asked, “Then who?”
He replied, “Your mother.” The man asked again, “Then who?” He said, “Your
mother.” The man asked once more, “Then who?” He said, “Then your father.”
(Bukhari, Hadith No. 5626; Muslim, Hadith No. 6664)
In another
hadith, the Messenger (peace be upon him) said:
“Allah has
forbidden you from being undutiful to your parents, from burying your daughters
alive, and from unjustly taking away the rights of others. And He dislikes for
you idle talk, excessive questioning, and wasting wealth.” (Bukhari, Hadith No.
2277; Muslim, Hadith No. 4580)
In another
narration, the Messenger (peace be upon him) said:
“Shall I
not inform you of the greatest of the major sins?” We said, “Of course, O
Messenger of Allah!” He said, “Associating partners with Allah and being
undutiful to parents.” At that time he was reclining, then he sat up and said,
“And false speech and giving false testimony.” He kept repeating this until we
thought he would not stop.” (Bukhari, Hadith No. 5631; Muslim, Hadith No. 269)
He also
said:
“No child
can fully repay his father, unless he finds him as a slave and buys him to set
him free.” (Muslim, Hadith No. 3872)
Abdullah
ibn Mas‘ud (may Allah be pleased with him) said:
“I asked
the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), ‘Which deed is most beloved to
Allah?’ He said, ‘Prayer at its proper time.’ I asked, ‘Then what?’ He said,
‘Kindness to parents.’ I asked, ‘Then what?’ He said, ‘Jihad in the path of
Allah.’” (Bukhari, Hadith Nos. 504, 6525; Muslim, Hadith No. 264)
A man once
came to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) seeking permission to
participate in jihad. The Prophet asked him, “Are your parents alive?” The man
replied, “Yes.” He said, “Then stay with them and serve them as best you can.”
(Bukhari, Hadith No. 2842; Muslim, Hadith No. 6668)
One of the
Ansar came and said:
“O
Messenger of Allah! Is there any duty of kindness toward my parents remaining
after their death? And how should I do it?” He said, “Yes—four things: praying
for them, asking forgiveness for them, fulfilling their promises, and honoring
their friends. Also, maintaining ties with relatives who are connected to you
only through them. This is what remains of your duty to treat them well after
their death.” (Abu Dawood, Hadith No. 5144; Ahmad, Hadith No. 16103)
The
Messenger (peace be upon him) also said:
“One of
the best forms of goodness is for a person to maintain good relations with his
father’s friends after the father’s death.” (Muslim, Hadith No. 6679)
It is
obligatory to obey all the lawful commands and prohibitions of one’s parents
and to remain dutiful to them. However, if they order something against the
Shariah, then it should not be obeyed.
Allah, the
Lord of the Worlds, says in Surah Luqman, verse 15:
“If they
strive to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do
not obey them, but accompany them in this world with kindness.”
May Allah
make each of us children who bring coolness to our parents’ eyes. Ameen.