Treat Your Parents Well


The means Allah the Almighty has chosen for us to come into this world are our parents. Each of us is born to a father and a mother. After birth, the first people we see, and whose warmth of love we experience, are our parents. In this world, after Allah, the Lord of all worlds, and the Messenger (peace be upon him), the people who love us with the most genuine and selfless love are our parents. They are the ones who nurture and raise us.

Every creature is born with its own “nature.” For example, a dog is born as a dog, a cat is born as a cat. However, humans are the only creatures who, though born in human form, must develop human qualities to truly become “human” in the moral sense. In this “process of becoming human,” the ones who accompany us for life are our parents.

Just as parents have certain obligatory duties toward us, we too have obligatory duties toward them. However, under the influence of Western culture today, the equation of the relationship between us and our parents has changed. Modern-day parents, just like many children, are often heedless—parents about their responsibilities toward their children, and children about proper manners and respect toward their parents.

Let us learn from the Qur’an and Hadith how we should behave toward our parents:

In the Holy Qur’an, Surah Al-Isra, verses 23–24, Allah the Lord of the Worlds says:

“Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you treat your parents with kindness. If one or both of them reach old age while with you, never say to them even ‘Uff’ (a word of irritation), nor scold them. And speak to them with noble words. Lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, ‘My Lord, have mercy on them as they raised me when I was small.’”

Also, in the Holy Qur’an, Surah Luqman, verse 14, Allah says:

“We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him in hardship upon hardship, and his weaning takes place in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] return.”

Once, a man asked the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), “Who is most deserving of my good companionship?” He replied, “Your mother.” The man asked, “Then who?” He replied, “Your mother.” The man asked again, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” The man asked once more, “Then who?” He said, “Then your father.” (Bukhari, Hadith No. 5626; Muslim, Hadith No. 6664)

In another hadith, the Messenger (peace be upon him) said:

“Allah has forbidden you from being undutiful to your parents, from burying your daughters alive, and from unjustly taking away the rights of others. And He dislikes for you idle talk, excessive questioning, and wasting wealth.” (Bukhari, Hadith No. 2277; Muslim, Hadith No. 4580)

In another narration, the Messenger (peace be upon him) said:

“Shall I not inform you of the greatest of the major sins?” We said, “Of course, O Messenger of Allah!” He said, “Associating partners with Allah and being undutiful to parents.” At that time he was reclining, then he sat up and said, “And false speech and giving false testimony.” He kept repeating this until we thought he would not stop.” (Bukhari, Hadith No. 5631; Muslim, Hadith No. 269)

He also said:

“No child can fully repay his father, unless he finds him as a slave and buys him to set him free.” (Muslim, Hadith No. 3872)

Abdullah ibn Mas‘ud (may Allah be pleased with him) said:

“I asked the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), ‘Which deed is most beloved to Allah?’ He said, ‘Prayer at its proper time.’ I asked, ‘Then what?’ He said, ‘Kindness to parents.’ I asked, ‘Then what?’ He said, ‘Jihad in the path of Allah.’” (Bukhari, Hadith Nos. 504, 6525; Muslim, Hadith No. 264)

A man once came to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) seeking permission to participate in jihad. The Prophet asked him, “Are your parents alive?” The man replied, “Yes.” He said, “Then stay with them and serve them as best you can.” (Bukhari, Hadith No. 2842; Muslim, Hadith No. 6668)

One of the Ansar came and said:

“O Messenger of Allah! Is there any duty of kindness toward my parents remaining after their death? And how should I do it?” He said, “Yes—four things: praying for them, asking forgiveness for them, fulfilling their promises, and honoring their friends. Also, maintaining ties with relatives who are connected to you only through them. This is what remains of your duty to treat them well after their death.” (Abu Dawood, Hadith No. 5144; Ahmad, Hadith No. 16103)

The Messenger (peace be upon him) also said:

“One of the best forms of goodness is for a person to maintain good relations with his father’s friends after the father’s death.” (Muslim, Hadith No. 6679)

It is obligatory to obey all the lawful commands and prohibitions of one’s parents and to remain dutiful to them. However, if they order something against the Shariah, then it should not be obeyed.

Allah, the Lord of the Worlds, says in Surah Luqman, verse 15:

“If they strive to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them, but accompany them in this world with kindness.”

May Allah make each of us children who bring coolness to our parents’ eyes. Ameen.

 

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